1. Always check the back seat of your car before getting in.
2. Never go camping or hiking.
3. Don’t stay in remote cabins in the woods.
4. Really, just stay away from the woods altogether.
5. Always pack your car with a survival kit, so when you break down you don’t have to go knocking on the nearest haunted/psychopath’s house door for help. Because the nearest house is ALWAYS haunted or owned by a serial killer.
6. Your survival kit should be stocked with all the basics. Food, water, blankets, spare clothes, flare gun, an exorcism guide, assorted weapons and maybe some explosives should should do the trick.
7. Don’t talk to strangers on the Internet, or agree to meet strangers in real life that you met on the Internet.
8. Never go into a haunted house for fun or on a dare.
9. Never, ever go into an abandoned, haunted asylum for any reason.
10. Don’t go and check out that suspicious noise down in the basement or up in the attic.
11. Don’t have sex.
12. For the ladies: never wear matching underwear.
13. Never repeat any name or phrase three times in front of the mirror. Actually, avoid mirrors in general as well. Just get rid of them all. It’s not that important to know if there’s poppy seeds caught in your teeth or chocolate smeared on your face.
14. If someone incredibly attractive suddenly starts paying a lot of attention to you, they’re probably a psychopath.
15. Remove all dolls from your house. They are all evil.
16. Get rid of all family heirlooms. They’re probably haunted.
17. Don’t swim in lakes or the ocean, especially at night.
18. Never go into the sewer. Or caves. Or tunnels. You get the idea. Dark, enclosed spaces are bad.
19. The shower is the most dangerous place in your house. Never shower at all in hotels.
20. Never let cable guys or gas workers into your house.
21. Never stay at isolated, dusty and decrepit looking hotels, especially if you’re forced to pull over because of a storm.
22. Crows are evil, or harbingers of evil – a flock of them is called a murder for a reason.
23. Avoid fog at all costs, nothing good ever comes out of the fog.
24. Never buy a cheap old house to renovate or live in. Never buy a new house that’s built on or near any kind of graveyard or the site of a lot of violent deaths.
25. If a little kid starts talking to invisible people and saying really creepy, violent things, or develops a fascination with fire, run away.
26. Never buy anything antique.
27. Don’t have closets. Just pile your clothes on the floor, it’s much safer.
28. Don’t use ouija boards, attend seances, or go to psychics.
29. Never hitchhike, or pick up hitchhikers.
30. Never read creepy looking old books, especially out loud.